Fear of “Doing It Wrong”: Why Baby Sleep Doesn’t Need to Be Perfect
If you're a new parent lying awake after another restless night, wondering if you're messing it all up — you're not alone.
There’s a quiet fear that creeps in when sleep isn’t going “by the book.” You start second-guessing every choice: Should I have fed them to sleep? Is rocking a bad habit? What if this ruins their development?
That fear — the fear of “doing it wrong” — is incredibly common. And for many parents, it’s not the lack of sleep itself that breaks them down, but the stress of feeling like they’re failing.
Let’s unpack where that fear comes from, what’s true (and what’s not), and why you’re doing better than you think.
The Pressure to Get Sleep “Right”
We’re bombarded with information from the moment we become parents. Sleep schedules. Developmental leaps. Self-settling timelines. Every headline seems to imply that if your baby isn’t doing X by Y months, something’s wrong.
And so, when your baby isn’t sleeping “how they’re supposed to,” the natural reaction is panic.
I remember pacing the living room at 2am with my son, wondering if I was causing long-term harm by holding him to sleep. I’d read that babies needed to learn to fall asleep on their own. That if we didn’t “get it right,” we’d be stuck in bad habits for years.
Sound familiar?
But here’s the truth: there is no one “right” way to support your baby’s sleep. And more importantly — responding to your baby’s needs does not cause damage.
Baby Sleep Isn’t Linear — And That’s Okay
One of the biggest myths around baby sleep is that it should follow a steady, predictable path. You do the “right” things, and in return, your baby sleeps well.
But real life doesn’t work like that.
Sleep regressions happen.
Illness, teething, and developmental changes throw things off.
Some babies sleep through early. Others take much longer.
There’s nothing wrong with either — and neither path is a reflection of your ability as a parent.
In fact, research shows that a wide range of sleep behaviours in infancy are completely normal. A 2019 study published in Sleep Health found that there is no strong link between early sleep problems and long-term developmental outcomes.
So if your baby wakes frequently, needs to be held, or struggles to settle — it’s not a sign you’ve done something wrong. It’s a sign they’re human.
The Myth of "Bad Habits"
One of the most persistent sources of anxiety for new parents is the idea that you're “creating bad habits” by doing what feels natural — feeding, rocking, cuddling, co-sleeping.
Let’s reframe that.
Supporting your baby’s emotional and physical needs is not spoiling them — it’s regulating their nervous system. When babies are tired, dysregulated, or overstimulated, they rely on us to help them calm down.
That’s not a flaw. That’s biology.
You can’t “ruin” your baby by helping them sleep. You’re not sabotaging the future by choosing connection now. And if you want to shift a habit later, you can — when the timing feels right for your family.
Babies are adaptable. Change is possible. Nothing is permanent.
You’re Doing Enough — Even on the Hard Days
It’s easy to feel like you’re failing when the sleep books say one thing and your baby does another. But those books don’t know your child like you do.
I know that fear — the guilt, the worry, the hesitation to try something new in case it backfires.
But I’ve also seen, firsthand, how much pressure parents put on themselves — and how unnecessary most of it is.
Your baby isn’t measuring your worth in how quickly they fall asleep. They’re feeling your presence, your warmth, your love. That’s what they’ll carry with them.
If I could go back and tell myself one thing in those early sleep-deprived nights, it would be this: He will be okay. You’re not breaking him by comforting him. You’re building his sense of safety.
Final Thoughts
The fear of doing it wrong is part of parenting — especially when it comes to baby sleep. But you’re not doing it wrong. You’re learning, adapting, and showing up every day.
Your baby doesn’t need perfection. They need you — tired, unsure, but always trying.
Let go of the myth that sleep has to look a certain way. Release the guilt. Trust your instincts. And remind yourself often: you are not alone in this.
Disclaimer
This post is for informational purposes only and isn’t a substitute for medical advice. Always speak with a healthcare professional if you have concerns about your or your child’s health.
About Nathan Chilton
Nathan Chilton holds a BSc (Hons) in Sport and Exercise Science, an MChiro, and is a registered Doctor of Chiropractic (DC). He graduated from AECC University College in Bournemouth in 2012 and has been in clinical practice ever since. Over the past decade, Nathan has supported thousands of individuals in creating balance and ease through proper nervous system regulation — a foundation that ties directly into his work as a certified infant sleep practitioner.
Nathan completed his Level 6 OCN Sleep Practitioner training at the London School of Childcare Studies. His passion for sleep coaching grew from a deeply personal place: helping his own son navigate sleep challenges. First-hand experience with sleep deprivation — and its ripple effects on the entire family — drove him to combine his professional expertise with practical, parent-focused strategies.
Through his holistic, responsive approach, Nathan helps families improve sleep in a way that supports connection, development, and long-term wellbeing.