Why "Just Sleep When the Baby Sleeps" Doesn’t Work (And What to Do Instead)
You’ve probably heard it.
"Just sleep when the baby sleeps."
It’s meant to be helpful — a gentle nudge to rest when you can. But in real life, it’s rarely that simple.
The Reality
Newborn sleep is unpredictable. Naps are short. And by the time your baby finally goes down, your brain is often too wired to rest. You might be trying to catch up on laundry, respond to messages, eat something, or just stare into space for five quiet minutes.
For many parents, especially in the early weeks, sleeping when the baby sleeps just doesn’t happen.
Here’s why — and what you can do that’s actually useful.
1. Your Body Might Not Be Ready to Sleep
Even if you’re exhausted, your nervous system is often in a state of alert. This is especially true if your baby struggles to settle or has been crying a lot. You're wired to respond — which makes it hard to fully switch off.
What helps:
Lie down and rest, even if sleep doesn’t come. Ten quiet minutes can still help.
Try box breathing (inhale for 4, hold for 4, exhale for 4, hold for 4).
Don’t judge the rest — stillness counts too.
2. You Have Other Kids, Responsibilities — or Just Need a Moment
The baby’s nap is often the only time you can shower, eat, or just breathe. You might need a break more than a nap — and that’s okay.
What helps:
Choose one thing per nap time and let that be enough.
Set a short timer if you do want to rest — even 20 minutes can help.
Ask: What do I need right now? Then give yourself permission to do just that.
3. Naps Are Too Short to Sleep Yourself
Newborn naps often last 20–40 minutes. That’s barely enough time to fall asleep, let alone feel rested.
What helps:
Go to bed early when possible — the first part of the night is usually the longest stretch.
Swap nap coverage with your partner if you can.
If solo, explore safe baby-wearing or contact naps that allow you to rest beside them.
4. My Experience: This Was a Different Kind of Tired
Before becoming a dad, I thought I was good on little sleep. I’d handled long clinical days and weekends on call.
But nothing prepared me for what came when our son arrived.
He lost a bit of weight early on, so we had to wake him often to feed. The nights were broken into tiny fragments. I was physically drained, mentally foggy, and running on fumes.
And even when I had a chance to nap, I often couldn’t. My brain just wouldn’t switch off.
That experience taught me something important: being exhausted doesn’t mean sleep is always easy — or even possible.
5. You Feel Guilty for Not Doing More
You might feel like you should sleep. Or should clean. Or should be doing something productive. That guilt can rob you of the little rest you are getting.
What helps:
Drop the “shoulds.” Choose what helps, not what impresses anyone.
Make a short list of low-effort options for nap times — no pressure, just choices.
A rested parent is more valuable than a tidy to-do list.
So, What Should You Do Instead?
Here’s a more realistic version of that old advice:
“Use your baby’s naps in whatever way helps you feel most like yourself — whether that’s sleep, quiet, food, movement, or nothing at all.”
If you can sleep, great. If not, give yourself grace. You’re still doing a great job.
Final Thought
Sleep deprivation is real. It’s hard. And it’s okay if "just sleep when the baby sleeps" doesn’t work for you.
If you're looking for support that’s honest, realistic, and focused on your family’s needs — I’m here to help.
Book a Free 15-Minute Discovery Call
If you feel you are ready for some help, let’s have a chat.
A quick call gives you the space to ask questions, share what’s going on, and see if we’re the right fit.
Disclaimer
This post is for informational purposes only and isn’t a substitute for medical advice. Always speak with a healthcare professional if you have concerns about your or your child’s health.
About Nathan Chilton
Nathan Chilton holds a BSc (Hons) in Sport and Exercise Science, an MChiro, and is a registered Doctor of Chiropractic (DC). He graduated from AECC University College in Bournemouth in 2012 and has been in clinical practice ever since. Over the past decade, Nathan has supported thousands of individuals in creating balance and ease through proper nervous system regulation — a foundation that ties directly into his work as a certified infant sleep practitioner.
Nathan completed his Level 6 OCN Sleep Practitioner training at the London School of Childcare Studies. His passion for sleep coaching grew from a deeply personal place: helping his own son navigate sleep challenges. First-hand experience with sleep deprivation — and its ripple effects on the entire family — drove him to combine his professional expertise with practical, parent-focused strategies.
Through his holistic, responsive approach, Nathan helps families improve sleep in a way that supports connection, development, and long-term wellbeing.